Rule #18 – American doesn’t want “groomed” stars…

So, you see Idol wanna-bees…here’s the thing.  If you’ve been doing musical theater all your life, we don’t want you.  If you’ve cut albums on second rate labels in the past, we don’t want you.  If you’ve had personal voice coaches since you could walk, we don’t want you.  If you’ve been groomed by your parents for a life in the spot light, we don’t want you.  What we want is a good story.  We want the down home, girl/guy next door who can sing like crazy but hasn’t been discovered.  That’s why Kelly Clarkson won.  That’s why Fantasia and Carrie Underwood won.  That’s why Taylor Hicks and David Cook won.  And that’s why Kris Allen won.  It’s also exactly why Adam Lambert didn’t win.  We don’t want the make-up and the dramatic lighting…and we dont want Kat McPhee and Trenyce and Syesha Mercado.  America wants a feel good story.  And American got one last night.  Congrats Kris!

Rule #17 – Lose the ‘tude

One of the most obvious IdolRules that hasn’t been posted is this: You don’t have to be a diva….you don’t have to have a cool single-word name, and you don’t have to have had years of vocal coaching or singing experience. You just need to have talent. And it doesn’t hurt to be a good person either.

Rule #16 Don’t mmmm….uhh….forget the lyrics

Seriously…this is your chance to become a star. You have one chance to get it right. Don’t forget the words to the song! Chances are that you are singing a classic of some kind anyway. It is not too much to ask that you know the lyrics on stage. Put the song on your iPod…glue the ear buds to your head and memorize the freaking song. It doesn’t matter if you are auditioning for the first time or if you have made it to Hollywood. Learning a song and knowing how to perform it is your only tangible responsibility.

Rule #15 – Simon says

Remember this…Simon knows what he’s talking about. As a contestant you may not want to hear what he has to say. And disagreeing with Simon might seem like the popular thing to do. The point is that he’s been doing this for a long time in multiple countries and he knows what he’s doing. Instead of arguing with him in an attempt to fire up the crowd, listen to what he has to say. You’ll get further if you do.

Rule #14 – Know the difference between “unique” and “memorable”

A lot of contestants make the mistake of trying too hard to be “unique”. What they don’t understand is the huge difference between “unique” and “memorable”.

For example, Sanjaya was unique. The problem was that the only thing that made him unique was a wacky hair-do. At the end of the day, no matter how unique you are, you aren’t going to win.

On the other hand, past winners like Kelly Clarkson, Fantasia, and Carrie Underwood were memorable. They were memorable because they were each able to combine a compelling story line with an outstanding voice. They didn’t rely on trying to be memorable, they just were memorable. And that’s why they won.

Rule #13 – Any air time you get should be of you singing

Resist the urge to ride the mechanical bull at the local bar or to take a midnight dip in the hotel swimming pool when you should be practicing for your next individual or group performance. That is, unless your goal is to get more air time on television showing how you can’t take anything in life seriously.

Rule #12 – Your favorite song isn’t our favorite song

Just because a song is your favorite song of all time, doesn’t make it a good song choice for you. If it doesn’t showcase your vocal talent it’s not a good song choice. See Rule #9 for more clarification.

Rule #11 – We’ll just see what America thinks

If you get a bad critique from the judges (especially Simon) when you think you did great, do not under any circumstances look out at the studio audience and say “we’ll just see what America thinks.”

Despite the rousing round of applause you will get from the studio audience for defying Simon, most of America at home will just think you are a jerk.

Rule #10 – Uncomfortable song breaks

Don’t pick a song that has long instrumental breaks, say more than 5 seconds. You’ll end up trying to fill the space with a bunch of oohs, ahhs, and oh-yeahs. Or worse yet, you’ll try doing some silly dance move that you have no right doing and end up looking like a moron.

Rule # 9 – Song choice, song choice, song choice!

If you are considering singing “Somewhere over the rainbow”, “Unchained Melody”, or “Amazing Grace” force yourself to pick a different song. We’ve heard them before. We’ve heard them belted out by winners and divas. We’ve heard them sung better than you can sing them. We don’t want to hear them again.

Song choice isn’t really that hard. Just follow these guidelines:

1. Pick something that everyone watching has actually heard of.
2. Pick something that everyone watching hasn’t heard a million times on the show.
3. Pick something that showcases your voice.